Living in an uncomfortable postcard

New Caledonia is both beautiful and uncomfortable.

For the past week we have been living in anchorages of picture postcard beauty – white sand beaches, gorgeous greenery, stunning volcanic cliffs and one of the world’s largest lagoons with turquoise water so clear you can see the bottom when anchored in 18 metres. I have taken a tonne of photos but none of them really do it justice. On the flip side of this is that, once ashore, you get the feeling that some (though not all) of the locals would rather you weren’t there.

It is vastly different to Vanuatu (which was officially voted the happiest place on earth again this year) where everyone said hello and seemed genuinely friendly. We are only 250 miles from Port Vila but we are unquestionably in a very different place.

New Caledonia is our first taste of the French controlled Pacific. Unlike most Pacific islands, it does not particularly need the tourist dollar. It is streaks ahead of the rest in terms infrastructure with paved roads, schools, sports grounds and a huge gendarmerie (cop shop) – mostly paid for by the French. But it is also the closest we have been to staying in an occupied country. As a French protectorate it is not technically controlled by France, but neither is it truly independent.

France officially claimed New Caledonia in 1853, initially establishing it as a penal colony. The original convicts were a mish-mash of prisoners from Noumea and Paris as well as political prisoners from an Arab revolt against the French colonial government in Algeria. Once they had served their sentences a number decided to stay and were given concessions to farm. As more settlers arrived an increasing amount of land belonging to indigenous Melanesians was taken over, leading to the first native uprising – and the native Kanaks have pretty much been fighting for some form of independence ever since.

Random fact: After World War II the Kanaks were progressively given the vote and in 1953 the first political party involving Kanaks was formed.

One of the main attractions of New Caledonia for the French has been its minerals, most specifically nickel. A nickel boom in the 60s and 70s attracted a lot of French migrants which created even more social upheaval, and New Caledonia is now the third largest nickel producer in the world. An agreement with the French government in 1998, The Noumea Accord, set forth a 15-20 year plan for “the gradual transfer of administrative powers from the government of France to the government of New Caledonia, culminating in a referendum on independence.” We are told however that the country is likely to remain under French control until the nickel runs out.

We were warned that the nickel mining has devastated much of the country, which is a real shame. Some members of the rally are planning to do a lot of miles which will cover much of this ruined landscape but we are going to skip most of this. We plan to visit some of the Loyalty Islands, check out Noumea – the main centre – and then head south to the Isle of Pines, which is supposed to be beautiful. This will mean we get to spend more time in places we like instead of doing the one-anchorage-a-day thing, which I am quite pleased about.

Our first real stop was the atoll of Ouvea – an absolutely stunning spot that is famous in NZ as the place the Rainbow Warrior bombers were sent to serve their “prison” sentence (some punishment!) One of them got pregnant and had to go back to France for “health reasons” and the other wasn’t far behind her (Paddy reckons he’d already got a good suntan.) The place is absolutely gorgeous and the water crystal clear. The Mouli Bridge gives a stunning view over the Ouvea lagoon, where there are all sorts of fascinating critters. There are a couple of very photogenic turtles and you can see stingrays leaping out of the water like flying fish and skimming across the surface for about 20 feet. I could have stood and watched them for hours.

Initially we were a little surprised when our first brush with the Ouvea locals gave us a rather unfriendly vibe. We didn’t at any point feel threatened and some were actually quite nice, but there was definitely a sullen feel to several people we bumped into.

It wasn’t until one of our fellow cruisers pointed out the history of the place that we began to understand why. Near where we were anchored on the island of Mouley there is a large memorial which, we found out later, is a tribute to “The 19.” In the 1980s the Kanak pro-independence movement was struggling with the French authorities on the mainland so many of its members relocated to the outlying islands – including the islands around Ouvea. In 1988, 19 Ouvean Kanaks were killed in an ill-fated rebellion when a number of gendarmes (French policemen) were kidnapped and four killed during the hostage taking. In what can best be described as a poorly executed piece of diplomacy the French special forces stormed the cave the prisoners were held in and not only killed the 19 Kanaks but a number of the gendarmes they were ‘rescuing’. The following year two Kanak pro-independence leaders were killed by an angry Ouvean who thought they had ceded too much to France.

So unbeknownst to us, we had anchored in a hotbed of Kanak separatism – though the Kanak flags and slogan carved into trees all round the island should have given us a clue. But it certainly explained why some of the locals weren’t too enamored of Europeans!

There is a lot of tension here and in some places it is very close to the surface. This was particularly apparent when it came to some of the outlying islands. We are required by law and maritime convention to fly each country’s courtesy flag while we are sailing there and New Caledonia’s flag is the same as the French flag (Le Tri Color). A couple of the boats from the fleet went to one of the outlying islands in the lagoon to go snorkeling. While there are areas designated as sacred sites or marine reserves this was not one of them. They were approached by the locals and told the area was Tabu and they were not able to snorkel there. If they prepared to lower their French courtesy however, the chief would happily make an exception.

There is a further complication in that there is a third group in New Caledonia who have a bit of an identity crisis – those who were born in New Caledonia but have French roots. They may be forth generation New Caledonians but in not being native Kanaks they sort of fall into an anthropological no-mans land.

We expect that what we have seen is more common in outlying areas because most of the guide books I have read describe the Kanaks as a bit shy but very friendly once you break the ice. We have heard fantastic things about the main centre, Noumea, which is also supposed to be very culturally diverse.

There is definitely a language barrier for us here though. There are more than 30 Kanak dialects so the official language of New Caledonia is French and, as I mentioned before, my French stinks. I dropped out pretty early at school (after doing enough to get the chocolate gateaux they bribed us with) and then staged a little protest about Muroroa Atoll by plastering the French class with anti-nuke posters, so I probably wouldn’t have been welcome even if I had decided to pick it up again!

I know “Bonjour”, “Merci beaucoup” and “Mon chat” (of course!) but that’s about my limit. We picked up a French phrasebook to help us bumble through and while there are some very useful things in it, there are others I’m really not so sure about..

Just as an example, here are a few things the Lonely Planet thinks it would be helpful to know how to say in French:

C’est uniquement pour mon usage personnel
(This drug is for personal use)

Jen e fais pas mon age
(I’m younger than I look)

Je cherche des sous-vetements
(I’m looking for underwear)

Jamais de la vie!
(Not if you were the last person on earth!)

Est-ce que tu as un fetiche?
(Do you have a fetish?)

Jen e suis qu’un objet sex pour toi
(You are just using me for sex)

Non, c’est moi qui dis ca, ce n’est pas l’alcool qui parle
(No, it isn’t the alcohol talking)

Je peux avoir un avocet
(Can I have a lawyer?)

And I’ll leave you with my personal favourite – a quote from Charles de Gaulle

Comment est-il possible de gouverner un pays qui produit plus de trios cent soixante-dix fromages differents?

(How is it possible to govern a country that produces more than 370 different cheeses?)